Monkey Glands

Two weeks ago I stood up from a chair wrongly and hurt my back. Not unusual for me, but the length and intensity of this particular injury was worse than normal. Because I thought it would hurt for a few days and then resolve itself, I went on a planned weekend to a rustic cabin with my book group for a few days.

But it hurt to move in any way. Sitting, standing, laying down, walking, it was all painful. The RICE cure (Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation) did not seem to be working at all. So when I came back from my weekend away, I went to my chiropractor.

She thought it was some sort of disc problem, due to my symptoms and the persistence of the pain.

So my chiropractor did what she does, and there was some relief, although it didn't last. That night I was unable to sleep for the pain and the knowledge that I was going to be flying that day to Europe for three weeks. So I made an early morning appointment with my doctor.

My doctor's opinion was also major muscular strain and she prescribed a muscle relaxant, an opiate pain medication, and a topical pain relief cream.

When I went to get the prescription filled, the pharmacist told me that he didn't think much of the cream, and recommended an over-the-counter cream that he claimed many of his patients liked.  I bought it.

Later that day at the chiropractor for one last adjustment before the flight, she lent me a TENS unit for electrical pain relief. I took it and said thank you.

I brought every single pain remedy I could think of, even though when I researched some of them, some studies showed that the remedy didn't seem to do anymore than a placebo. I didn't care, if the placebo effect was as good as I could get I would take it.

The whole situation led me to a pretty horrifying thought. Although I sincerely believe in animal's rights, if someone had told me that monkey glands would quickly solve my pain, I would have seriously considered it. It made me realize how desperate and shallow I am when every move I make hurts. And how glad I am that monkey glands are not treatment for back pain.

By the way, I am considering using "Monkey Glands" as a title for the book I will write in November. I don't know what it is about yet, but I like that title.